Adjusting to Divorce
How Do Linda and Matt Meet?
Linda loves to dance – and she’s really good. Matt and some guys go for a drink after work. While they drink, Linda dances every time the band plays. She is so good that a lot of guys ask her to dance. Matt isn’t that good at dancing, so he has to find another way to meet her.
She and her girlfriends are sitting between him and the men’s room. Hm. He goes to the men’s room. Stops and watches her dance. Right when her dance partner takes her back to her table Matt walks up and steps on her toes. “I am so sorry – are you alright?” She is stunned. She looks up and gasps. She sees this gorgeous man who looks mortified that he has hurt her. So apologetic. So solicitous of her welfare. “Look, I feel terrible. I hurt you, and I’d like to find a way to make that up to you. I’d ask you to dance, but I’m not a very good dancer. Can I buy you a drink?” He does look miserable. And he is so good looking…how could it hurt to let him buy her a drink?
She got college in three years – just like he did. How many people do that?
He figured people would always be getting sick. Their insurance would always pay doctors and hospitals who would always need to buy medical supplies to take care of patients. Researched and found the big gap between what medical supplies and equipment really cost and what the companies charge hospitals and doctors. Then he started a medical supply business.
She thought along the same lines. Got a degree in business management and went into hospital administration. She wondered, “This is a sharp guy. Could I throw some business his way?” And then he asked her out.
As you read Matt and Linda’s PSAs© guess how they might use them to create advantages for them as a couple.
Print the Test Results. Place them next to your computer. Now you can look at the Test Results while you read about Linda and Matt on this website.
Open Test Results for Linda & Matt.
Linda and Matt Can Use Their Personality Strengths to Help Each Other
When you look at 1.-3. you see right away that each one could own a business (Autonomy). They keep working until they figure out how to reach their goals (Achievement). And they will make money doing that (Economic Value).
Their high need for Achievement keeps them both working late each night. That started “is your work more important than I am?” discussions. So they agreed not to work late on Wednesdays unless there was a business emergency and to play on the weekends.
Look at 4.-11. What else do you see? Take a look. Decide what you think. Then read what we found. You may find ways that Linda and Matt can helped each other that we missed – Great! Different people see different things given the same information. That makes what we are doing here together fun.
Where are the rough spots?
Look at 4. and 5. Look at Dominance (75% and 70%) and Aggression (75%). What if each of them wants to run the same project? The person who wants to do the project more gets to do it. The other one does something else. If neither one wants to do the project, they flip a coin to see who does it – and the other one does something else. Or they can do Trade Out – we both want to run A. and B. You got to choose first last time, so I get to choose first this time. If necessary, they take a seminar to learn more negotiation techniques.
Look at 6. This reminds us that each of them considers the long range effect of choices on each option before they take the first step.
Look at 7. – 9. Matt knows that he needs to consider feelings more and learn to play. Linda is only too happy to help him here. We humans learn behavior by experiencing it. Her family taught her, and when Linda pampers Matt he learns how to pamper others, too.
Look at 10. and 11. She and Matt got a degree in three years by using Theoretical Value and Ability to Ask for Help in opposite ways. He had funding, made a plan, got on auto pilot and worked the plan until he had the degree. He did not ask for help because he didn’t need any. Linda did not have much funding and needed lots of help. She developed lots of options for finding – scholarships, loans, jobs.
Everyone wants to help Linda because she is such a scrapper. People hire her before they would hire others. They find money in neglected parts of budgets to give her work. Give her the hours she needs to juggle work and class. You guessed it, she is taking 3 hours in addition to working fulltime – a marketing course.
Can the two of you use your PSAs© to see ways in which you might help each other?
Sure. You will use your PSAs© to make a chart like this and figure it out. You take these steps.
1. If you haven’t already done so: Print out Matt’s and Linda’s PSAs©. You can print out this case study, too. Scan them and save them as a document in a folder named “Select My Life Partner©.” After you get your PSAs©: Use them to help you understand how to use your PSAs© in your life.
2. Go to the Home Page and order your PSA©.
3. Think of yourself as you are at your very best: Take the 3 tests. If you do not take all 3, then work with the ones that you do take.
4. On the Home Page: (You may have already done this.) Click ”Plan My Life Worksheet©”, copy it, put it in a folder and label the folder “My Plan.” Make a copy of the Worksheet. Save the original of the Worksheet and fill out the copy.
5. To fill out your Worksheet brings valuable information from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind that you use to decide your steps. As you fill out this Worksheet, you will get insights. Write them down on this Worksheet.
6. Check your email. You receive your PSA© Packet with your PSA© Test Results in your email.
7. Make a copy of your PSA© Test Results. Save the original. Use your copy to do your work. There is a blank next to each personality strength. Write your thoughts in the blanks. Make another copy – play with it. Later make another copy and play again.
8. You already learned a lot about how to use a PSA© by reading about Matt and Linda. You know a lot about your current situation. You can do this!
You have three kinds of expert advice here
1. The information on this website.
2. Your “Basic PSA Worksheet.”
3. Your PSA Packet© that comes with your PSA© Test Results.
For more expert advice you can
1. Take your “Basic PSA Worksheet© and PSA Packet© to a counselor in your city.
2. Work with Dr. Knolle with your “Plan My Life Worksheet©” and PSA Packet©. Email her at Contact Us to set this up. If you are in Houston, TX or Galveston, TX you can meet in her office. If not you can talk by Skype or phone.
3. Remember: You are the expert on your own life. The more that you work with your “Plan My Life Worksheet©” and PSA Packet© over time the more insights you will get.
Here’s what else you can do: Read Don’t You Dare Get Married Until You Read This! by Corey Donaldson. Three Rivers Press, New York. If you are already married when you read this, that’s cool, too. This book always helps to add information about why you and your spouse interact as you do. Then use your new insights, love, and sense of humor to love each other even more.
This book gives you more than 500 points to ponder before you live happily ever after – from love and sex to in-laws, exes, and dirty laundry.
What do Linda and Matt do next? To find out go to the Home Page and click Plan My Life with My Life Partner©. When you and your partner make a commitment and actually start planning your life, some of your answers change.